I could not sleep tonight because my stomach was really hurting (It is about 2amCST). I have also been thinking about our current financial situation. It was around Thanksgiving of this past year that I had to stop working due to my back injury increasingly getting worst and then soon after that, I found out that I was going to have very complex back surgery in January. It was going to require a challenging 5 month recovery period. No doing dishes, no doing laundry, mowing the yard, bending or anything. My wife had to pick up the slack.
Over the last 8 years that Amy and I have been married, we've had challenge after challenge that has truly tested our faith in Jesus. When I look back on it all, there hasn't been one time that God has let us down.
When we found out that I was going to have to have my surgery, we tried to not freak out because we had no idea how we were going to pay our bills, because I had to take a leave without pay from my job. My surgery was not a choice, I had to have it.
With all our credit cards to the max, because of the so many trials we have faced, my wife working a heavy load, and now thousands of dollars in medical bills, we took a leap of faith. There was nothing else we could do but trust God.
I can't tell you how many times over the last 5 months our bank account has been at ZERO, and then God just blessed us like crazy. I can honestly say that there hasn't been a day that we have gone without.
Even though we have seen so many blessings in the past, my heart has been weighing so heavily lately wondering how we're going to make it this month. Our tax return quickly ran out after the 2 months we had budgeted it for. We are now faced with the fact that I am not going to be able to return to my current career. I feel like a sitting duck just waiting and hoping the doctor will give me the all clear sign at the end of May
Even though we have seen so many blessings in the past, my heart has been weighing so heavily lately wondering how we're going to make it this month. Our tax return quickly ran out after the 2 months we had budgeted it for. We are now faced with the fact that I am not going to be able to return to my current career. I feel like a sitting duck just waiting and hoping the doctor will give me the all clear sign at the end of May
I keep asking God what kind of job I should look for, one that will provide for my family and not require me using my back. I have done everything from picking weeds to saving lives on a daily basis, data entry, answering phones, leadership roles, public speaking roles. I have done a little of everything. God has been faithful in the past and he will continue to be faithful because of his loving compassion.
After hearing Sara Groves sing this song, my heart was broken. God is ALWAYS faithful, even when we are NOT. He is ALWAYS there, even when we feel like he is NOT. God NEVER leaves us or forsakes us. I don't know why we face hardships, but I do know that God uses it to build us up and prepare us for his purpose.
Matthew 6:25-34 says:
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Romans 5:1-5 says:
"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
I can now rest and sleep in peace, because I know that even though my family and I are facing hardships, God is faithful and will never let us go without. I don't ever do this and I am by no means perfect, but if you are reading this and don't have a personal relationship with Jesus and feel like he is tugging at your heart to make a decision to follow him, then I would love to talk with you about that. I know what it is like to not follow Jesus and feel the hurt and pain that comes with that.
